My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
