I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
