i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
