i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am spending my child support on dildos
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So vagazzling was a success
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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