You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
