Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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