is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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