you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
