Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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