Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
