She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
