Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
