When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
