In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
