just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
