she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
