i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This house was built for laser tag.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
