I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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