marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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