i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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