Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
