Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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