First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
