I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
