Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
