he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize