This is not my ceiling
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
