And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
