You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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