Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
