I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
