I'm really into asian looking animals
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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