First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
