so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
