wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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