sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
