One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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