I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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