I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
