They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize