It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
