Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
