She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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