I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
