you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
