..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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