Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
