You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
