Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
