i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
