singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
