we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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