I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
