i permit you to call me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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