I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
