Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
