i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
