I wish i was in the wii world.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
