the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
