a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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