We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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