I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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