She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
