Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
