What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize