thus making me awesome and them whores
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
