You smell like a Billy Joel song
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
