Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize