Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
