babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
