What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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